Tweet

Job Description

Director of Lifestyle Brand Marketing
Reports to: CEO
Location of position: Monster HQ - Brisbane, CA
Salary: Competitive + Stock options

Below are four essential requirements of this role:

• 5+ years at a Director level within a smaller company or a company where you were responsible for setting strategy and managing the execution of short and long term marketing objectives across web, social media, print AND retail channel marketing.
• 5 + years' lifestyle marketing experience is essential
• 5+ years experience marketing a Consumer Electronics product.
• 4+ years experience conceptualizing and driving Retail Channel Marketing initiatives.

Tweet

Job Description

Responsibilities:
At PayPal, we're laser focused on creating better ways for consumers and merchants to pay and get paid. Putting customers' needs first, coupled with a "challenger" mindset, we're redefining the payments category through product, marketing, and service delivery innovation. PayPal is not for everyone. To re-invent a category, we need creative, courageous individuals who challenge conventional wisdom and are fired up about new and better ways to deliver for the customer.
We're seeking a seasoned Director, Brand Advertising and Media to partner with internal colleagues to bring our brand to life in global marketing communications. This role has primary responsibility for coordinating and driving our brand into all customer-facing Above-The-Line and Integrated advertising campaigns with the goal of increased engagement, clarity and comprehension of PayPal on a global scale. With over 100 million active consumer accounts, this role offers an extraordinary opportunity to have a dramatic impact on increasing the value of this large and fast-growing customer network. The right candidate will be a fast and nimble strategic thinker who is energized by the overall opportunity that PayPal has in front of it and is ready to take on the challenge of creating a world-class global brand marketing function. This role reports to the V.P. of Global Brand and Marketing Communications. Specific job responsibilities include the following global areas:

• Brand Advertising Strategy
• Brand Advertising Campaigns and Media
• Agency Management

Tweet

Role: Director of Social Media will work with the VP of Marketing to prolong the elaborate myth that company has actually developed a social media strategy.

Responsibilities:

• Manage company's "earned media" presence on Facebook, Twitter, The Pinterest, LinkedIn, Tumbler, Google+, Foursquare, Instigram, Myspace, Orkid and Classmates.com
• Meet unrealistic goals without the luxuries of budget, support staff, or organizational credibility.
• Make VP Marketing appear insightful about social media even though he doesn't have a Facebook profile (but it's totally cool because his niece explained it to him)
• Script and post ridiculous rhetorical questions to pollute Newsfeeds of company's most brain-dead social media fans who will (get this) actually respond!
• Calm fears of hysterical brand manager when someone posts on his brand's FB page, "Brand x bites huge donkey balls!"
• Answer random questions from CMO like, "what's our SlideShare strategy?"
• Adopt and implement social media practices crafted by lawyers who have no incentive to make either your life easier or the company more successful.
• Manage engagement of "social media consultant" (CMO's recently-unemployed friend) who makes twice as much as you and delivers nothing except the CMO's ear into which he pours the ideas you've been working on for the past 18 months.
• Work across organization / be simultaneously loved, hated and ignored by brand teams.
• Aggressively use buzzwords in internal meetings to demonstrate your extensive social media knowledge, with the effect of only further ostracizing yourself from traditional (i.e., old) brand marketers.
• Pretend that social media department of company can move fast and act independently / admit reluctantly that you and the social graph aren't going to change the way things work at 100-yr old bureaucracy.
• Occasionally wear a hoodie.

Requirements:

• B.A. in Computer Science, English, Math, Anthropology or some Business-type thing.
• 3+ years experience in marketing, media or barista-arts.

Click here to view the full, hilarious job ad on Banner Ad Confidential...

Tweet

Role: Strategic Client Manager will develop paid-advertising relationships with region's top marketers despite Social Media Site's reluctance to allow advertising on its property.

Responsibilities:

• Prepare and deliver sales presentations that conflate the scale of social media with tangible value to the marketer (alternatively, assume both that the value of social media is self-evident and that clients are stupid if they don't necessarily agree).
• Selectively ignore clients' unreasonable requests for "accountability" and "insights."
• Stare in wonder as clients explain there is "no available budget" for social, while they still somehow manage to find tens-of-millions of dollars for print.
• Willingly delude self that Social is more important than Search to achieving marketers' short-term marketing/sales goals (i.e., the only ones that matter in the current economic environment).
• Nod thoughtfully and feign comprehension while agency personnel mention DSP's and RTB.
• Presume non-existent level of friendship with female marketing executives/hug after meeting despite body language indicating you should absolutely do otherwise.
• Express great incredulity/use "F-word" when your manager asks why clients haven't g0tten back to you yet.
• Mitigate disdain of engineering colleagues by admitting upfront that they are way smarter than you are.
• Low-ball quarterly revenue forecasts.
• Keep mouth shut at company-wide all-hands meetings.

Requirements:

• B.A. or B.S. from a not-completely-embarrassing college.
• Ability to consume massive quantities of alcohol without sharing your true feelings toward those around you.
• 5+ years experience selling another interactive media product that we will, as part of our sales process, ridicule incessantly.

Click here to be directed to the full (and hilarious) job ad on Banner Ad Confidential.